Saturday, October 18, 2008

SEX - physical or emotional?

Is awesome sex physical or emotional?

“SEX IS SEX” I know you’ve heard people say this just as I have. But as a romance writer I think about this a lot. How good is just physical sex without ROMANCE?

Physical sex has, groping, pounding, thrusting and then a release of tension – what’s that take, all of two minutes? Well, I don’t know about you girls, but in my opinion that can’t be great sex…in that amount of time your brain can’t even begin to get warmed up.

The mind needs sex too, doesn’t it? And how does our mind get sex? Through romance, that’s how! Think about it, isn’t that the first place sex starts…in the mind? So how can there be great physical sex without romance?

Romance comes with the first scintillating glance that connects with the handsome six foot six man from across the room. Your breath catches in your throat at the first sign of his confident nature; unlike the beer belly guy at the end of the bar, this virile, wide shouldered man doesn’t yell for the bartender’s attention, he waits, catches his eye, then gives a quick jut of his strong chin. Your first flash of body heat rises when he glances over again and smirks just as he looks away. Its sexy how he sits there for a moment before slowly turning, drink in hand, and makes his way over to you as if you’re the only woman in the room. Romance makes your nose seek for his seductive scent the moment he slides his warm body into the booth next to you and makes sure his shoulder presses against yours. Your first flush warms your face at the provocative sweep the very tip of his tongue makes across his sculptured lips before his rakish nature dares to ask if you want him as badly as he wants you. Your blood races at his first question and you know he knows the answer already, he need not have asked. The first quiver of your heart flutters when a touch of his fingers brushes against your flesh as you hand him your business card with your private number on the back. This is romance. This is sex.

The physical act of hot thrusting and straddling legs around a sensational lover can’t work without romance. You need to FEEL that very first emotion of attraction to make sex awesome sex. SEX just can’t be SEX. It has to be sex you can’t forget. Sex you can’t wait to have again.

Now I know you’re going to say – all that succulent first time sex is great but after 22 years of marriage that FIRST emotional response wanes...I say; only if you let it. That’s why good sex can’t just be physical. Good sex has to be joined with the emotions of the mind. Good sex is connected with all the five senses and memories that will keep sex as heated or hotter then that very first time.

So, tell me…sex, what is it to you and when does sex really start – with a thrust or a glance from passionate Caribbean blue eyes?



Vicki said...

Hmmm...this post made me stop and think about it.

I think you can have really great sex without the emotions tied in, but that's all it is, really great sex. As far as the two minute without the major emotional tie can take way longer than two minutes. :)

When you have the emotional connection it turns into something special, something you cherish long afterwards. Sure the sex might have been amazing, but it's the emotional bond that stays with you at that point.

I do have to say people are attracted to all different types of people and while it's true, we all think the cover models with abs of steel are the hottest thing to come by, sometimes even the beer belly guy has the personality that wins your heart, (and no, Science Guy isn’t the beer belly guy at the end of the bar). I think it's kinda like when we root for a heroine in a book who perhaps isn't the perfect Barbie shape, but she's got the confidence and personality that is way cool.

Still, I totally get what you're saying. :D

Lea said...

Hi Hawk:

I read your post a couple of days ago and had to think about it for a while before answering.

Is not what you are describing sexual tension and attraction? That suggestive, hot, under hooded eye look that comes from an attractive guy across the room or at the "end of the bar".

It may be no more than that, just a look that titillates a woman's sexual fantasies. Even if you never see that 'fantasy man', again he is someone you never forget because an erotic myth develops in your mind surrounding that guy.

It could also be the sound of his voice, his smell, or his overall aura. I have met men over the years that attract women like bees to honey, they just have a sexual aura about them that curls the toes. Confidence maybe, a whisper close to your ear?

I guess what I am trying to say here is that sometimes its nice to keep that guy in the "fantasy" area of your mind because reality isn't always what we might expect it to be. I think that is why a well written romance novel perhaps rocks the socks? lol

Best Regards

Houston A.W. Knight said...


Very interesting reply - now I've got a lot to think about! :-D
But yes, I think love and romance start with "THAT LOOK" that you just described.

Thanks for dropping by to visit and for letting me know what you think!