Sunday, July 26, 2009

Are you a damaged soul?

I love this term “Damaged” a writer friend of mine (Scott) used it to describe his hero, but what does it mean? What got broken? Can it be fixed? When a person is damaged can they be glued back together like broken china? Or does it mean they are forever cracked, left to live their lives as damaged souls?

Well, I’ve been thinking about that of late. Sadly, I’ve met too many of them, both men and women; each being hurt by the opposite sex. Each having given up on finding a life filled with the love and happiness that comes from the yen and yang of our existence; our true purpose for being here.

What makes a person “Damaged”?

I’ve met both men and women who have honorably given their lives in war to fight for your freedom and mine. They returned as heroes in my eyes because they came back…but they returned “Damaged” from the horrors of war. Instead of being understanding and showing our appreciation, this damage that was a fracture, now cracks, and all because of those who objected to the war decided to take it out on the soldiers who were “ordered” to serve their time. After all, who has time to deal with the unreachable government of ours that sent him? S/he was an easier target…but was that fair to soldier?
S/he now carries the overwhelming emotional baggage of war; rejection and BETRAYAL from those s/he so willingly gave her/his own life for. In a way, s/he is the walking dead, unable to deal with the hurt of it all. S/he is a damaged soul.

Then there are those men and women I’ve met who are damaged by the opposite sex. But alls fair in love and war, right? Is it?
I’ve been watching the Jon and Kate plus eight situation…this man walked away because “he felt like he’d lost himself” after having eight children….OMG, who wouldn’t feel this way? But he’s so self-centered he can’t imagine his wife didn’t feel the same way as well? I’m sure most of you readers out there, that have children, know from personal experience Kate had to have felt the same loss of her self. Yet, she isn’t complaining about her “new” and “difficult” life filled with the eight new responsibilities, that, BTW, she and JON decide to have. It’s not like this was an accident he was unprepared for!!! They went into this knowing their chances, and the changes this pregnancy would cause them as individual people and on a personal level.
In my opinion, Jon betrayed the trust of his wife and eight tiny little souls who trusted him to stick it out…he let them all down. He damaged them because of his own selfish. Because his once “fun life” became too demanding of husband and fatherly responsibilities. So, he ran like a coward from his obligations of being a faithful husband and good father to “find himself”.
Well, I can hope the price for his “re-discovery of himself” is worth the emotional “damage” he’s just caused nine innocent souls.
Then the world further damages these nine souls by feeling sorry for “poor” Jon.

Then there are the men and women who have been in their own bad marriages and experienced their own betrayals, heartbreaks, and broken beliefs in human kind. They are so damaged by the hurt and pain they can’t let go of it. They can’t glue the fracture that keeps widening and chipping away at them.
Some do move on and try again, but manage to damage another relationship because they didn’t let go of the pain from the past relationship before moving on to the next and hence they break the fracture; never to trust the opposite sex again. Damaged. Left to just exist, never wanting to try to find that comfort, that wonderful experience of love or the comfort in living life in a wonderful relationship.

Sad part is, when adults refuse to let go of the pain of a bad relationship or betrayal of a friend, or the treachery of a family member that has caused them pain. They haven’t dealt with their own emotional trauma (because no one showed them how), so they’re left wounded souls who try to raise children, but end up passing on the damage. It’s without intent, but it’s passed on.

We must stop doing this if we are to advance as humans. Each of us have to learn to deal and handle the damage cause to us (whatever and wherever it comes from) and then move on.
Instead of feeding on the negative of that bad experience or relationship, we must find the silver lining within that dark situation and turn it around, making it into a positive experience for us. This is the only way to survive in this life.

By being and see the positive side of things within the negative we can bloom as a soul and pass on the positive part of the experience, letting go of the negative.
To let go; see the negative problem in the palm of your hand, black and dark, swirling around like a ball of bad energy, feel it’s evil, nasty intent, cry, scream or yell whatever you’re feeling while you look at it in your hand. EMOTE. When you’ve felt it’s negativity enough and you can see the silver lining behind that negative force, turn your hand over and see it drop from your hold. LET IT GO, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Stand up, close your eyes and breathe deep. Feel the bright light of the Great Spirit (God) enter the top of your head and feel that wonderful rush of positive energy fill your body. Then take a moment to think how you can make that negative energy work in a positive way in your life. THEN DO IT. DO IT!


Good luck at this weeks challenge, I ask that each of you go one week without allowing one negative word out of your mouth, I ask that you stop all negative thoughts and feelings that you’ve been allowing to control your life. I ask that you remember how you thought as a child and live each day with those innocents and enjoy each day like you did when you were young, before the fracture happened.
Oh, believe me; I will be joining you in this challenge and report back!

P.S. A comment by Jesuree (my Twin) --> Because NICE MATTERS. Blessed Be.


Blodeuedd said...

eek hard challenge Hawk, but I will try to do it since I am feeling very happy and positive at the moment

Houston A.W. Knight said...


I agree - it's hard to start a whole new way of thinking, but I can say from experience IT WORKS.
The changes you'll see in your life will amaze you...try to do it for one month if you's well worth the effort. Whenever you catch a negative replace it with the positive...then watch it work.
Yes, I fall back into the negative from time to time but most now I'm a positive girl...and life is great!

Cyber hugs

My Blog 2.0 (Dottie) said...

Hi Hawk!

See, this is why we're friends.

There are plenty of things I could feel negative about. Life isn't always fair. But, do I really need to waste time feeling sorry for myself? No. Will it help me get further in my life goals? No. All that is does do is make me feel bad about myself and others.

There are things that I have a hard time getting past, like if someone hurts a family member or friend. I mean, I can take care of myself, no problem - I'm not everyone's cup of tea and I don't mind that one bit, but I get overly protective of those I care for, what hurts them hurts me. Those are the kind of things that I have trouble letting go of.

I have no problem overlooking the slight against me, but against those I care for, I see red. I'm working on it, I'll try, really.

As for soldiers, I did not support the war in Iraq, but it is everyone's duty to support the soldiers who have had to go into this war. They are not given a choice, and just because this is an unpopular war, doesn't mean that they did anything wrong. I respect and cherish anyone who choose to wear the uniform, I've known so many who can't get past what war does to a person. Some have taken their own lives, and that breaks my heart.

I, myself, come from a very large family. Jon and Kate have so many challenges, and when the TV cameras go away, and they will eventually, what are they going to do? They apparently don't have each other and the only ones who will end up suffering will be the children. I was loved and cherished as a child, we all were. There was no one handing money to my folks for having so many babies. We weren't wealthy, in fact, as I look back, we were pretty poor. But, it never left that way, I had all of my needs and desires taken care of, I don't remember wanting. Ah, just another of life's lessons to be learned.


Dottie :)
(sorry so long winded)

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Ah me Dottie, I swear you're Irish, have the gift of gab just like me and I love stop your apologizin'

We're so much alike...I'm like you, I can't stand people who are hurtful to others for the joy of being nasty or becaue of their own jealousies or insecurities.

Life in itself is hard enough, people have to learn to be nice and to be helpful with others, not mean and take advantage of others.

It would seem in todays world few people really understand honor.
I find this sad. Without honor you can't have trust, friendship or love.

Like you, I see red if anyone attakes my family or friends. They best be running if I get wind of something nasty mean they did to anyone I call mine.
And me twin is the one wants to cross her...she just like you and me.

Hugs darlin'

Houston A.W. Knight said...

I meant attacks not attakes - hubby just got up and was talking to me... }:-( made me misspell!

off for now!

HUGS xoxox

Cecile said...

Hey Hawk!! Girl, you always have soul-thought provoking posts!!!
Well, I am definitely up for your challenge.

My parents divorced when I was 8, I could have became the victim, but I didn't... I grew from that experenice. My mom then married an alcoholic, I could have used that as a crutch in life, I didn't I chose to better myself and learn. Being divorced myself (now married), I could have been the victim yet again... But I didn't. I even forgave the ex for his transgressions against me the minute he left the house and I, the same of myself. Regret and grudges are no good in life. I don't believe in them at all. Forgive and be forgiven. Forget and it will go away. You will always remember to learn from what your past mistakes were in life. But always better yourself in the mean time. And why walk with a chip on shoulder. Don't people know the weight of carrying that around is no fun! I know some negative people in my life and even though I try to build them up, they never seem happy. Someone once taught me "you are the only person responsible for your own happiness." And that is true. I never use the words "you made me mad" any more, because it is simply not true. I had to allow you to make me feel something. So, therefore I was in control the whole time.
Always a glass half full kinda girl!
And as far as Jon and Katie... well, let's just say that I would love to met Jon in a dark alley somewhere with a pair of boxing gloves on. And that is all I am going to say about that... =) "MEN!"

(((Hugs to you honey!!))
I hope you had a great weekend!!! And a wonderful Monday!

Carol Henry said...

Hawk, your post was right on! I too have distanced myself from negative people, especially those who are toxic to my writing career. It isn't easy, but it sure does get you a lot farther in life to be nice to everyone around you, and to try to give those negative people something positive to think about. I'm glad you posted this topic, let's hope it plants a positive seed that will continue to grow and grow and grow.

Houston A.W. Knight said...


Now I would love to put your word in gold in the sky - so everyone could read them...this is the way we all should see our world and our lives.

Long ago the native American Indians taught their children - each man was responcible for their actions...I too have lived by this golden rule. I believe we are just as you said,

"you are the only person responsible for your own happiness."

This is so true!

Hey, can I go with you to see Jon? LOL


Houston A.W. Knight said...

Hey Carol Sweetie,

I whole heartedly agree with you here as well!

Have I ever told you - you're a smart lady?

many, many hugs

Vicki said...

Great post Hawk! It's so easy sometimes to let the negative seep in, but really it only hurts you and not the person who usally made you feel that way. (I meaning the word you in the form of any of us)

I will say it's hard in this day to day life we have. Between drivers who drive crazy, bosses and coworkers who really don't seem to get it, and then through in family and friends who are not perfect and will once in while step on toes (feelings), it can make it easy to let those negative thoughts take over.

So your post is another great reminder to not let that happen.

As far as Jon and Kate, I know I may get in trouble for saying this to woman, but I think this is a two-sided affair. As in they both have had them. Kate travels so much that she says her kids call the babysitter mom. Sad thing in all of this to me is they put their private life on dispaly, it hurt it too, and now with Octomom getting ready to have her own show, the sage of Jon and Kate +8 will probably go away. And they will be left to try to pick up the pieces of broken lives.

That's not to say I don't think Jon has made a huge mistake to walk out, but coming from someone who lived in a hell of a marriage for years sometimes that's the only way to remain sane. And maybe, just maybe the two of them will realize what they've lost and make it right.

Vicki said...

So that was a bit longer than I thought. There is something to being Irish though, we seem to like to talk. :)

Hugs to you girly!!

Christine said...

Hi Hawk:
Great post. I try to be very positive, but I admit to failing at that on occasion. I think there are two things that have helped me change my thinking, maybe three. 1) I accept myself warts and all. I no longer apologize for the basic core of who I am. We all have two sides, our greatest strengths can contribute to our greatest weaknesses. We can work at minimizing the weakness, but in times of stress, it returns. Be gentle with oneself. 2) The Enneagram Personality test was a great way to discover and pinpoint what drives me, my husband and my daughter (that's a glass of wine story LOL). I am an 8: Challenger. I do. I act. I can be volatile. I push. But over time I've learned when to push and when to wait. 3) Weeding out the toxic people in my life. I did the enneagram to figure out what made me tick and why I gravitated to certain people . I wanted to break a pattern--one that was weakening, but still existed. It really helped to sort through this before we moved to AL. Now I am quick to recognize a potential emotional vampire and I quickly erect the boundaries. I don't have time to be sucked into a negative vortex.

So I guess this is rather long. But there you have it.

Houston A.W. Knight said...


You said, "...negative seep in, but really it only hurts you and not the person who usally made you feel that way."

I take this statement to mean, you believe, what the negative person says hurts his or her target (the other person)... I don't see it like that...Oh, the target of the hurtful words might feel a sting from the negative person, but then in time it's over for them. Because aA positive person will take the silver lining from the bad and grow from it and move up and on in her/his life.

What negative people don't seem to understand is...they really aren't hurting those they try to hurt with their words or actions of negativity as much as they think they are.

Positive people usually know, it is they, themselves, who are in control over HOW THEY WILL REACT AND ALLOW SOMEONE'S NEGATIVE WORDS TO AFFECT them. A positive person will ususally let the negativity run off them like water, and move on.

Sadly, for the negative person, what s/he doesn't know is, is that all the negativity s/he puts out, will only comes back to them three's their own negative words about others returning to them, and then they curse the Gods for why they can't seem to get ahead and wonder why they feel sick, suffer with bad luck, or are depressed most of the time, or feel jealous, and suffer with's their own negativity that is doing this to them....not the Gods. The negative people just don't know it.

IMHO, Negative people hurt themselves more than they can hurt others.

Just another POV on the subject.

Houston A.W. Knight said...


WOW! Words of wisdom for all of us to learn from. AWESOME insight.

Now, that glass of I buying this time or you? {;-) Ah heck with it...I've got a bottle chill'in...come on down, its a warm balmy night and I've got time to hear the tale!


Cecile said...

lol!!!Girl, get your gloves... we can pay him a visit. I promise you when we finish he won't be makin babies any more!!! LOL!!!

I am glad to "read" some many comments about peoples lives and how they live!!
And I am not sure what the conversation including the wine is about... but I am there!!! LOL!!

Vicki said...

I totally agree with you. I meant it's hard sometimes to not let it slip in and when we do that then it's only hurting us even if for just a little while.

You're right though, a positive person will find the silver linning or if there isn't one they will usually take a different path to avoid the negativity.

Lot's of good stuff in this post and in all the comments. :)

Christine said...

Hawk: the next glass of wine is on me! Or bottle! And today we learned how being positive and sending out positive energy rebounds onto oneself.

Took my darling daughter and her BFF to Birmingham to put her BFF on plane to DC. Well, things didn't go quite as expected and we had a 5 hour delay. Not fun, and not much to do in the B'ham airport. However, we met a charming older gentleman, vet and southern native who shared stories about his life. His wife was on the plane coming from DC. Then, when it was getting down to crunch time, the TSA men helped me track down a nice UA agent who GAVE us escort passes so we could wait at the gate for BFF's plane to board.

And all because we were nice, we didn't moan and blame, and we treated all the people we spoke to with dignity and respect.


Now off to bed--after a well deserved glass of vino.

Houston A.W. Knight said...


Before Christine and I met at the nationals, I told her I'd buy her a glass of when we got together there, I did and we had fun just chatting it up. Christine is a bundle of energy and full of life. A wonderfully positive person to know.

Now you know all my cyber sisters are welcome to share a glass of wine with me any time...and you live closer to me than Christine, so? When you dropping in for that wine?

We might need a second glass each before we put on those gloves...or we could get smart after the first glass and realize Jon's not worth the effort, right? LOL


Houston A.W. Knight said...


That's all part of being positive, finding the silver lining as me father would say.

It's not always easy but it is do-able, if we want to make it a way of life.
I don't think a person can be really happy without finding a positive way of thinking.

Then again, there are those who live to be negative and enjoy it, but that's not for me, thank the


Houston A.W. Knight said...


I loved the story about you and your daughter at the's a perfect example of what we've been talking about here this week.

Awesome story!

O.K., next we meet, let's find more time for chatting over that glass of wine! I'll bring the cheese and crackers. ;-)


Cecile said...

You are right... even before the glass of wine ~ we realize that he is just not worth it!!! (Jon that is)...
Now... we need to find out how far we live... because that glass of wine is sounding really good... especially if a road trip comes out of it!!! LOL!!

Houston A.W. Knight said...


You're too funny!

Write me here,
and we'll talk about that glass of wine! ;-D


Liza said...

Great challenge Hawk! I think we all have something in our past that can make us negative if we let it rule our life. I'm choosing to seek the positive in life and not dwell on any of the bad things that have happened.

I've never actually watched any of the Jon & Kate + 8 shows, so I can only hope the kids still feel the love of both parents.

I've missed being here the last couple of weeks, but was able to enjoy a wonderful week last week with my youngest niece(5 years old) all to myself. We had the best time and she is already asking to come back next summer.

Houston A.W. Knight said...


I've put positivity to work for me this week and lots of good things have been ahppening for me. I'm getting a lot done...happily so!

I'm telling you this positive thinking really works.

Oh, your spending time with your niece is wonderful. Sounds like you two had a great time. OMG, she's only five? That's a great age! Fun to play with them in their innocent world...we should all see the life through the eyes of a child.

Glad you're back and visiting! We've missed you.

My Blog 2.0 (Dottie) said...

Hi Hawk!

Checking in, I've been positive allll week, well sort of, I haven't left the house to much. I don't know about you, but my allergies are insane. Exhausting.

I wish I could take more, but my allergy meds are putting me to sleep.

We'll talk soon though!!


Dottie :)

Houston A.W. Knight said...


Oh hon, I hear you on the allergies...mine are out of control down here...humidity, makes it impossible for me to breath!

WooHoo on the positivity!


Judi Fennell said...

Hey, I like this challenge. Am on it, starting today!

Houston A.W. Knight said...


It can be addicting for sure. I love my new focus on life and I've seen how it has affected everyone and everything around me...being positive's not easy...but I'll tell you it is worth the effort to see things as positive as you makes life FUN.

And we all can thank my twin sister for turning me on to "The Secret" - it's an awesome book and CD. I've seen very wealthy people use this method in their worked for them, so it'll work for me.

Hugs and good luck

~Sia McKye~ said...

Why thank you Hawk. I try to maintain a great attitude about most things in life.

I'll have to think in your challenge. My brain is still fuzzy.