What is the difference between a Man’s WAR and a Woman’s WAR?
A man’s war is physical…they kill each other with weapons. A woman’s WAR is one most men never see….it’s a war of wit, and it happens throughout a woman’s life, unlike a man’s war that comes and goes through the centuries.
I am perplexed at how many men do not know the real world in which women lives. A man’s thought process just never goes to those areas in which a woman’s mind travels in daily. It’s no wonder men and women have so many misunderstandings. The trick is for each of the sexes to realize these differences and learn to communicate within this perplexing circle of fate.
Last night I’ve had an interesting chat with a couple of men who were completely shocked at the world I expose them to when I told them about a woman’s world, and the battlefield we live in most of the time.
It started with a simple question I posed (Good God, I wouldn’t be Irish if I didn’t have a question) to the two men, I asked: Tell me what you hear, when I say to your wife and girlfriend… “Darling, you always did look good in that dress.”
Inevitably, both men said I’d just paid their women a complement. I snorted. Their mouths rounded in surprise. I laughed and said, “Obviously, from the reaction still frozen on both your women’s faces, I’d say they feel as if they’d just been insulted.”
One of the men piped up, “You just said she looked nice, how can my wife be insulted?”
His wife’s frown deepened, but before she could lace into him I said, “Because I just insult her.”
Both men shake their heads with the same baffled look on their faces that had been frozen on their wives just moments ago.
I then asked if either man had ever taken their wife to a party and then suddenly to his dismay, she pulls at his arm and hisses (as if it were his fault) “Take me home! Now!”
Both men nodded and rolled their eyes as if it’s had happened more than once. One even said, “Yeah, well, when she gets like that, I can’t get her to tell me anything! ‘Nothing’s’ ever wrong.” He accented the word ‘nothing’s’ in a high pitch tone that was an imitation of his wife’s voice.
By now his wife is straight backed and I do believe her claws were imbedding themselves into their dining table as she screamed, “You can’t be that stupid!”
This is where I stop the bleeding and fill the men in - with their wives nodding in the affirmative throughout our little chat. “It’s a woman’s war zone, gentlemen,” I said.
“What are you talking about?”
“War, of course.”
“The woman’s war. Allow me to explain. To a man’s uncomplicated mind, he hears his wife looks good in her dress, and as his chest puffs out with pride, his wife cringes in silent rage…because she knows what the offending woman meant…which is …
“DARLING,” First problem men don’t pick up on - the TONE in which the offending woman spoke this very first word – if not done in an angry tone to catch the man’s attention, an insinuating or catty tone will usually slips past an average man’s radar. But that overly sweet tone the offending woman spoke in, will warn the man’s wife to be on alert! She’s under a sneak attacked. It’s WAR!
“…you ALWAYS did look good in THAT dress” Second problem, most men don’t hear all the words a woman speaks. He hears WIFE. LOOKS. GOOD. (ALWAYS and THAT are the key words here that the normal man doesn’t hear. And what he doesn’t know, “always” means - I’ve seen you in this dress a million times – can’t your husband buy you something new for a change? The seemingly innocent statement carries a double impact (A grenade) with the added word “THAT” meaning it is the exact dress she’s seen over and over. She’s not mistaken “that” dress for another one similar to it. It’s ‘that’ dress your wife is wearing, again!
The man stands there smiling and his wife wants to club him on the back of the head. Or worse, hubby innocently detonates the bomb by saying to his wife…”Well, isn’t that sweet of her to say, honey?” (After all, it was done is such a sweet sounding tone…least to his ears it was.) Which then forces his irate wife to respond to the insult with a “sweet” THANK YOU of her own. The offending woman (now secretly labeled as Ms. Nasty by the wife) then gives a triumphant, evil smile…first battle won.
Sometime during evening the man’s wife, who has been on the frontline since Ms. Nasty arrived, is starting to feel frustrated (because she’s not one of those women who give “left handed complements” insults like Ms. Nasty does.) Ms Nasty is the kind of woman who will do it ALL NIGHT long to his wife and any other innocent woman and or pretty looking girl at the party. (Ms. Nasty does it because she suffers with an inferiority complex and being mean makes her feel better.)
So, by mid-party the wife finds her husband, who’s now chatting up a storm with Ms. Nasty (because that’s what Ms. Nasty does in WAR - infiltrates) his wife is feeling infuriated and demands to be taken home, at which point the husband begrudgingly relinquishes – unaware he’s fraternizing with the enemy – by now it’s battle three or four being won again by Ms. Nasty).
What hubby doesn’t get is his wife has been hold back her firepower, but like a dam with a fracture at its base, she’s ready to break) and then he dares to ask…(his already angry wife, as they get into the car) and in a tone that sets her off like a cannonball – “What’s wrong?”
The wife looks at him as if he’s got a yellowy pus oozing wound, the size of Connecticut, on the end of his nose and says, “Nothing!”
Hubby now rolls his eyes, because, though he’s not real sure, he thinks she is angry about something, but he can’t figure out what because he didn’t hear the silent battle at the party. He hears Ms Nasty saying only nice things, like – You lost weight. You look good. What he didn’t hear was what Ms. Nasty really said, which was,
“Darling, I COULDN’T HELP but noticed you’ve lost a TON of weight. IN TIME you SHOULD look PRETTY good.”
Interpretation for any man reading this article:
“OMG, you were humongous! You still need to lose a ton more, and you’ll never look as good as me, but you’ll look some what better than you did.”
Mind you, hubby’s wife was only a pound or two over her idea weight when Ms. Nasty chimed in with yet another left handed compliment in front of five perfect strangers, who now thinks she must have been a planet unto herself at one time.
Yet there stands hubby, smiling and nodding and his wife is mortified at the implications. She glares at him and now hubby is very confused at this point, and he’s thinking, what’s wrong with my CRAZY wife?
What the average guy doesn’t know is that when the wife screams “Nothing” this means, “I can’t believe you’re this stupid, that you can’t see I’ve been in battle all night with Ms. Nasty and you did nothing about it!”
What was he suppose to do about it? A woman doesn’t expect the hubby to fight with the woman…she expects him to SHOW Ms. Nasty he thinks his wife is the best and nothing Ms. Nasty says will change his mind…and his wife wants him to do it with his actions, a special hug, a kiss, a squeeze, words of praise and an adoring look from across the room that everyone can SEE…. And that includes Ms. Nasty. Oh BTW, a sneer, every now and then from hubby at Ms. Nasty would help as well.
The biggest mistake the man makes is…he doesn’t hear the start of the battle, so when he sees only the REACTION to the strike, his thinks his wife is off the wall…the wife then sees this as betrayal, and Ms. Nasty wins another battle.
Hubbies have to learn to trust their wives. If they see the wife react strangely…he best figure out she’s under attack from a Ms. Nasty, who only appears to be nice.
These Nasty woman are easy to spot, they always give “Left Handed” compliments and speak in a tone that is condescending (if the man is listening carefully, he’ll hear it). But that means men have to be more studious. For those who can’t be that hip to the ways of women (believe me I know we woman can be complicated) then just go with the wife’s reaction to the situation. That’s when the wife wants her hubby to step up and protect her in the fashion that a woman’s war is fought.
If he does that even without full understanding of the situation…he won’t be asking “What’s wrong?” He’ll be saying once they get into the car for home, “So translate for me, what was going on between you and Ms. Nasty.”
Trust me, Hubby won’t get the glare and the word “NOTHING!” shouted at him if he learns to ask the right question of his wife. Instead he’ll get the story and his angry wife won’t take it out on him. She’ll be very happy he at least caught on to some of Ms. Nasty’s insulting ways and will hugs him for his support even if he didn’t know what the battle was all about.
Most men hear and think in basic words; and what is said IS WHAT IS MEANT. Men don’t know or have a need to hide any meanings. In their world, if they don’t like what’s going down – they’re allowed to say so. Women are not. Men are basic and up front. ‘Tis why most men who cheat—get caught, they don’t know how to use subterfuge like a woman can, who has learned it well, to survive in a man’s world.
Women, on the other hand, read between all the lines and search for all the hidden meanings within any statement, even the simple ones men make, which usually doesn’t have any deeper meaning than what he said. Sometimes, this can get a woman into trouble because she finds a meaning behind his words that he didn’t intentionally put there. Can you see the big fight coming when he gets home from work?
Women have been trained through the centuries to fight in silence or sweet sounding battles…nothing is placed on the front lines like a man’s war. So, naturally a woman will ‘think’ a man knows what’s upsetting her and get angry at him when he ask what she thinks is the obvious – She replies NOTHING because she thinks he’s taken the other woman’s side. After all, how could he not have heard all those insulting left handed comments? Specially the one about her weight! Unfortunately, the trouble is, most guys don’t give anything that much thought….it’s not in their nature to do that, not like a woman anyway.
Now, I know right now ~ we all have our HERO...and he does everything perfectly ~ otherwise we wouldn't have married him. So, we can't use him as an example in this discussion. So, think back to your dating years.
Did this ever happened to you? Did you live in a world where you are forced to fight “THE” WAR? Did you win or lose the War? How did you get rid of Ms. Nasty? Can you explain why woman do this to each other?
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