Sunday, August 23, 2009

WAR?

What is the difference between a Man’s WAR and a Woman’s WAR?

A man’s war is physical…they kill each other with weapons. A woman’s WAR is one most men never see….it’s a war of wit, and it happens throughout a woman’s life, unlike a man’s war that comes and goes through the centuries.

I am perplexed at how many men do not know the real world in which women lives. A man’s thought process just never goes to those areas in which a woman’s mind travels in daily. It’s no wonder men and women have so many misunderstandings. The trick is for each of the sexes to realize these differences and learn to communicate within this perplexing circle of fate.

Last night I’ve had an interesting chat with a couple of men who were completely shocked at the world I expose them to when I told them about a woman’s world, and the battlefield we live in most of the time.
It started with a simple question I posed (Good God, I wouldn’t be Irish if I didn’t have a question) to the two men, I asked: Tell me what you hear, when I say to your wife and girlfriend… “Darling, you always did look good in that dress.”

Inevitably, both men said I’d just paid their women a complement. I snorted. Their mouths rounded in surprise. I laughed and said, “Obviously, from the reaction still frozen on both your women’s faces, I’d say they feel as if they’d just been insulted.”

One of the men piped up, “You just said she looked nice, how can my wife be insulted?”

His wife’s frown deepened, but before she could lace into him I said, “Because I just insult her.”

Both men shake their heads with the same baffled look on their faces that had been frozen on their wives just moments ago.
I then asked if either man had ever taken their wife to a party and then suddenly to his dismay, she pulls at his arm and hisses (as if it were his fault) “Take me home! Now!”

Both men nodded and rolled their eyes as if it’s had happened more than once. One even said, “Yeah, well, when she gets like that, I can’t get her to tell me anything! ‘Nothing’s’ ever wrong.” He accented the word ‘nothing’s’ in a high pitch tone that was an imitation of his wife’s voice.
By now his wife is straight backed and I do believe her claws were imbedding themselves into their dining table as she screamed, “You can’t be that stupid!”

This is where I stop the bleeding and fill the men in - with their wives nodding in the affirmative throughout our little chat. “It’s a woman’s war zone, gentlemen,” I said.

“What are you talking about?”
“War, of course.”
“What war?”
“The woman’s war. Allow me to explain. To a man’s uncomplicated mind, he hears his wife looks good in her dress, and as his chest puffs out with pride, his wife cringes in silent rage…because she knows what the offending woman meant…which is …

“DARLING,” First problem men don’t pick up on - the TONE in which the offending woman spoke this very first word – if not done in an angry tone to catch the man’s attention, an insinuating or catty tone will usually slips past an average man’s radar. But that overly sweet tone the offending woman spoke in, will warn the man’s wife to be on alert! She’s under a sneak attacked. It’s WAR!

“…you ALWAYS did look good in THAT dress” Second problem, most men don’t hear all the words a woman speaks. He hears WIFE. LOOKS. GOOD. (ALWAYS and THAT are the key words here that the normal man doesn’t hear. And what he doesn’t know, “always” means - I’ve seen you in this dress a million times – can’t your husband buy you something new for a change? The seemingly innocent statement carries a double impact (A grenade) with the added word “THAT” meaning it is the exact dress she’s seen over and over. She’s not mistaken “that” dress for another one similar to it. It’s ‘that’ dress your wife is wearing, again!

The man stands there smiling and his wife wants to club him on the back of the head. Or worse, hubby innocently detonates the bomb by saying to his wife…”Well, isn’t that sweet of her to say, honey?” (After all, it was done is such a sweet sounding tone…least to his ears it was.) Which then forces his irate wife to respond to the insult with a “sweet” THANK YOU of her own. The offending woman (now secretly labeled as Ms. Nasty by the wife) then gives a triumphant, evil smile…first battle won.

Sometime during evening the man’s wife, who has been on the frontline since Ms. Nasty arrived, is starting to feel frustrated (because she’s not one of those women who give “left handed complements” insults like Ms. Nasty does.) Ms Nasty is the kind of woman who will do it ALL NIGHT long to his wife and any other innocent woman and or pretty looking girl at the party. (Ms. Nasty does it because she suffers with an inferiority complex and being mean makes her feel better.)
So, by mid-party the wife finds her husband, who’s now chatting up a storm with Ms. Nasty (because that’s what Ms. Nasty does in WAR - infiltrates) his wife is feeling infuriated and demands to be taken home, at which point the husband begrudgingly relinquishes – unaware he’s fraternizing with the enemy – by now it’s battle three or four being won again by Ms. Nasty).

What hubby doesn’t get is his wife has been hold back her firepower, but like a dam with a fracture at its base, she’s ready to break) and then he dares to ask…(his already angry wife, as they get into the car) and in a tone that sets her off like a cannonball – “What’s wrong?”

The wife looks at him as if he’s got a yellowy pus oozing wound, the size of Connecticut, on the end of his nose and says, “Nothing!”
Hubby now rolls his eyes, because, though he’s not real sure, he thinks she is angry about something, but he can’t figure out what because he didn’t hear the silent battle at the party. He hears Ms Nasty saying only nice things, like – You lost weight. You look good. What he didn’t hear was what Ms. Nasty really said, which was,

“Darling, I COULDN’T HELP but noticed you’ve lost a TON of weight. IN TIME you SHOULD look PRETTY good.”

Interpretation for any man reading this article:

“OMG, you were humongous! You still need to lose a ton more, and you’ll never look as good as me, but you’ll look some what better than you did.”

Mind you, hubby’s wife was only a pound or two over her idea weight when Ms. Nasty chimed in with yet another left handed compliment in front of five perfect strangers, who now thinks she must have been a planet unto herself at one time.

Yet there stands hubby, smiling and nodding and his wife is mortified at the implications. She glares at him and now hubby is very confused at this point, and he’s thinking, what’s wrong with my CRAZY wife?

What the average guy doesn’t know is that when the wife screams “Nothing” this means, “I can’t believe you’re this stupid, that you can’t see I’ve been in battle all night with Ms. Nasty and you did nothing about it!”

What was he suppose to do about it? A woman doesn’t expect the hubby to fight with the woman…she expects him to SHOW Ms. Nasty he thinks his wife is the best and nothing Ms. Nasty says will change his mind…and his wife wants him to do it with his actions, a special hug, a kiss, a squeeze, words of praise and an adoring look from across the room that everyone can SEE…. And that includes Ms. Nasty. Oh BTW, a sneer, every now and then from hubby at Ms. Nasty would help as well.

The biggest mistake the man makes is…he doesn’t hear the start of the battle, so when he sees only the REACTION to the strike, his thinks his wife is off the wall…the wife then sees this as betrayal, and Ms. Nasty wins another battle.

Hubbies have to learn to trust their wives. If they see the wife react strangely…he best figure out she’s under attack from a Ms. Nasty, who only appears to be nice.
These Nasty woman are easy to spot, they always give “Left Handed” compliments and speak in a tone that is condescending (if the man is listening carefully, he’ll hear it). But that means men have to be more studious. For those who can’t be that hip to the ways of women (believe me I know we woman can be complicated) then just go with the wife’s reaction to the situation. That’s when the wife wants her hubby to step up and protect her in the fashion that a woman’s war is fought.
If he does that even without full understanding of the situation…he won’t be asking “What’s wrong?” He’ll be saying once they get into the car for home, “So translate for me, what was going on between you and Ms. Nasty.”

Trust me, Hubby won’t get the glare and the word “NOTHING!” shouted at him if he learns to ask the right question of his wife. Instead he’ll get the story and his angry wife won’t take it out on him. She’ll be very happy he at least caught on to some of Ms. Nasty’s insulting ways and will hugs him for his support even if he didn’t know what the battle was all about.

Simplest rule:

Most men hear and think in basic words; and what is said IS WHAT IS MEANT. Men don’t know or have a need to hide any meanings. In their world, if they don’t like what’s going down – they’re allowed to say so. Women are not. Men are basic and up front. ‘Tis why most men who cheat—get caught, they don’t know how to use subterfuge like a woman can, who has learned it well, to survive in a man’s world.
Women, on the other hand, read between all the lines and search for all the hidden meanings within any statement, even the simple ones men make, which usually doesn’t have any deeper meaning than what he said. Sometimes, this can get a woman into trouble because she finds a meaning behind his words that he didn’t intentionally put there. Can you see the big fight coming when he gets home from work?

Women have been trained through the centuries to fight in silence or sweet sounding battles…nothing is placed on the front lines like a man’s war. So, naturally a woman will ‘think’ a man knows what’s upsetting her and get angry at him when he ask what she thinks is the obvious – She replies NOTHING because she thinks he’s taken the other woman’s side. After all, how could he not have heard all those insulting left handed comments? Specially the one about her weight! Unfortunately, the trouble is, most guys don’t give anything that much thought….it’s not in their nature to do that, not like a woman anyway.

Now, I know right now ~ we all have our HERO...and he does everything perfectly ~ otherwise we wouldn't have married him. So, we can't use him as an example in this discussion. So, think back to your dating years.

Did this ever happened to you? Did you live in a world where you are forced to fight “THE” WAR? Did you win or lose the War? How did you get rid of Ms. Nasty? Can you explain why woman do this to each other?

Hawk

18 comments:

Christine said...

Hahahaha... I am printing this out for referral. Well put! And although my dear hubby is usually spot on, this could be used as a remedial lesson.

You nailed it!

Women like Ms. Nasty should be avoided at all costs -- they are venomous, evil and negative. I try to surround myself with positive women who encourage me as much as I hope I encourage them.

You rock!

Blodeuedd said...

Interesting Hawk. You always have such educational posts.
And so true what they say there, why do I always look for hidden meanings.

And oh yes women like Ms nasty should be avoided, they are bad

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Christine!

Hugs sweetie!

Oh no...poor hubby...he's getting a PRINT OUT! {8-O

Oh the dear man is going to hate me! But then, if he's guilty of asking "What's wrong" perhaps he needs a print out...it'll save him having to buy ear plugs! LOL, Right?

I agree, woman like Ms. Nasty are ones to avoid...I just don't get why they act like that? Its a sad life they live.

I love being happy and thinking only good things and drawing good to me...
Life's way too short to waste on negative people or things.

If you like the positive kind of girls...stick around, hon...this gang here is the best. They've got the very best of positive energy flowing from them!

Hugs
Hawk

Liza said...

Awesome post Hawk! Your description of Ms. Nasty is spot on. I now try to be around positive women and avoid Ms. Nasty as much as possible. I'm very lucky that I have 6 wonderful women friends in my life and we really try hard to always encourage one another.

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Blodeuedd,

I think women look for hidden meanings because it's hard to know when you're talk to another NICE woman and a MS. NASTY kind of woman...so we get use to looking for the hidden slights, and double meanings.

It's sad really...but there are way too many woman like Ms. Nasty out there. So, for those of us that are just nice women, we have learned to keep up the defence...to look for that silent war.

And when we run into men who are PLAYERS...we've just learned to sharpen our sword a little more than usual.

Women have become so skilled at this hidden game, men really shouldn't try to play...they can't win in this war of women.

Big hugs
Hawk

Kelly Moran said...

You won an award over on my blog. Check it out!!!
http://authorkellymoran.blogspot.com/
xo

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Liza!

Hey darlin'...glad to know there are more and more women doing just that...surrounding themselves with only other positive women. I too have picked my friends with care.

In time I hope efforts like ours will tell women like Ms. Nasty to grow up and become real women or they will find themselves alone.

Once women stop being a threat to other women and become part of the magical force women have, this world will become what the Gods intended for it to be.

Mother nature is a woman for a reason...when women realize this, the power within us will bloom and our world will become the place of the heart and soul.

Men won't war anymore, because there won't be a need for it.

But it's us women who have to see the importance of loyalty (to each other) to make the magic of life work.

So be it to the positive way of life! Keep up the good work! We'll get there!

xox
Hawk

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Kelly!

OMG I'll be right over!

xox
Hawk

Cecile said...

Hey Hawk! Of course as always... your post rocks!! And it is very dead on!
Ms. Nasty is a witch, with a capital W! She preys on those that she knows she can undermine and underhand all at the same time. I have seen these women in action, sad to say. I have not called any of them my friends. But I have seen it and it is wrong. They do that, like you said to make themselves feel better. Those are the ones that do not have someone at home telling them that they are loved or anything nice. Or for that matter, they probably have no one at all. They are pure evil.
I have been in a few "wars" of my own... and not to toot my own horn... I have won. First, I refuse to bow to their level, so I will meet them head on and declare that I can hold my on. I do not need my man draping all over to prove that he loves me or that I am better than other women... I am going home with him. But second thing is, I will not allow her to bring me down. That is a no-no... You never allow someone to control your emotions. So, I nip what I can in the bud and move on. By that time, she is still fuming me! So, now I turned the tables and left her upset for the night and done by being polite!
And surrounding yourself with positive people is the next step!!
I hope you had a great weekend!!! Thanks for this wonderful post!

My Blog 2.0 (Dottie) said...

Hi Hawk!

LOL! I have so been there! And it was with the hubs! Guys just don't get it, do they.

The hubs comes home from work and says, 'you look good, I think you've lost weight' using a critical eye. I interpret this to mean, 'my God, you're a fat pig and damn, so glad you've noticed and backed away from the table and lost a few of those ugly pounds.'

I so want to grab the fireplace poker and whack him with it.

If he asked 'did you loss weight', I would have smiled and said 'yes I did, thanks for noticing' and glowed. It was the 'look good... I think' part that makes me blow a gasket.

Or he says 'you look nice today' which means 'you look like crap most of the time'.

I eye the poker once again.

Now if he had just said, 'you look nice', I would have said, 'thanks sweetie'. It was the today part that pissed me off.

As for Ms. Nasty, I avoid those women like a plague. They're so nasty nice butter wouldn't melt in their mouth. I met with one woman back when I was in college who acted like we were best buds, but the under handed compliments were horrible. She asked things like if that was a new color on my hair, when I'd never touched the color. And there was no winning. If I said 'no, this is my natural color', she say 'sorry to hear that'. If I said 'yes I did', she say 'I thought so' and raise her eyebrows and smile like, you poor thing. The real pisser as you nicely point out is that the hubs acts like she's your new best friend, and chats her right up, all night long until you want to scream to go home.

Again I have to eye the poker.

Men are a completely different species than women. Yes, we both fall under the general heading as 'human', but that it where the similarities end. We are as different as night and day. I've tried to educate the hubs in the ways of wicked women, but to no avail, and I sometimes wonder if he's intentionally obtuse. But then I see him in action and know it's not the case.

You just have to love them as they are, for better or worse. And hope someday, they catch Ms. Nasty in her own game.

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Hey Sweet Cecile!

Thanks for the complement on my post...I'm glad you enjoy my ramblings. LOL

As far as Ms. Nasty I've met way too many and a lot of them did have men in thier lives...these men were what our guys called
P_ _ _ Y whipped.

Which is sad because they were NICE GUYS that found themselves in a situation they couldn't see at the start (One of Ms. Nasty's tricks) and by the time they do SEE IT, it's too late for them...they actually love Ms. Nasty ... DON'T ASK ME WHY.

The reason our kind of guys call him what they do is because they know she's flirting with them (Obviously so in front of her man and he does nothing) to the embarrassment of all and she'll derail her man in front of everyone, yet he'll not stand up and tell her off.

Instead he'll say things like "Oh, it's harmless fun...I know she loves me"
But inside, the guy has to be dieing every time she does this to him...

I've seen the milquetoast kind of woman put up with her Mr. Nasty the same way.

Oh yes, you've got to be able to handle a Ms. Nasty toe to toe...you can't wait for your man to step in...because most of our guys won't "see" Ms. Nasty working...so if you're waiting for the hero to ride in on his horse ... don't... it usually won't happen...

I was just saying it would be nice if our guys could see Ms. Nasty at work and do something like that.

But I have to admit - a few years back me hubby and I had run into a Ms. Nasty and we had no choice but to deal with her...me hubby was me hero...she was obvious about her intentions and me hubby put her down each time. LOL, he'd caught on to her! I was sooooo pleased, I can't tell you!

I remember I had dark hair at the time and she was a blonde...she said to me hubby that blondes were more fun...me hubby looked at her and said with such innocents "I wouldn't say that."

Later Ms. Nasty said as she thrust out her 38 double d's "ALL MEN like big breast" turning to me she looked down at my smaller ones and said, "No man can resist my big beautiful breast."

I offered back "I'm sure they can't" meaning not when they're so freely thrown into every man's face.

Then to my happy surprise my hero said, "I don't care for fake ones."

I wanted to roll over in a belly laugh...you should have seen her face!

Then she came back with "These babies are real"

Then her hubby (who was learning to fight back after years of eating crow and having enough) said, "Real? Only after I paid for them with REAL money."

Her mouth shaped into a perfect O - you could tell she was shocked he'd blown her cover and told the truth.
Yes, the guy did leave her, but I heard she's now dating a boy her sons age...about 20 now.

Man is that kid going to be messed up in the head.
She'd done a real job on the hubby who'd finally left her.

Yes, the key is keeping Ms. Nasty out of your life...but every now and then the Nasties try to work their way in. It gets harder for them when you keep a positive attitude and an informed hubby to the ways of women - helps!

;-)
Hawk

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Ah, me Dot's here! (((HUGS)))

LOL, hon you've got me laughing so hard...yes, men do stick a foot into their mouths too often. But again, it's not what they're saying but how we interrupt what's being said.

With men we women have to learn NOT read between the lines. It's hard because when they toss in the "TODAY" we will naturally think what you did...but the guy really didn't mean it like that. They don't think of the implications of each word like we women do.

I know that's hard to believe but 'Tis a man.
Words play a big roll in our lives...men, not so much. Men are not usually word oriented they're more visual.

So, most guys aren't hip to all the meanings of a word they pick, their brains just don't take all that in before they speak.

It's not the kind of world they live in when they talk to other guys. Men only run into this meaning of a word problem when talking to women. That's why they can't figure out how they keep getting into trouble with us.

BTW, they really don't want to be in trouble, and most of the time they're really not sure what they said to get there. LOL,

Poor guys, what they usually mean as a real complement (in their minds, not ours) only gets them a dirty look. Then confusion sets in. Then to be sure not to rock the boat any more, they don't make clear what they just said, because they're not sure what they just said.

Now they're remembering that look you gave them, a responce they didn't expect and then they spend the rest of the day trying to figure that look out. LOL

You've got to really feel for them. So, sweetie, put down the poker stick and realize he didn't mean it the way it came out.
He wasn't saying you looked bad all the other days...he was just saying you looked really good this day.

I say be happy he noticed you were there! LOL

As me granny use to say...A man only notices a women if she gets in his way.

xoxoxo
Hugs
Hawk

Vicki said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Houston A.W. Knight said...

Hey Vicki,

I'm assuming from your response of surprise -you're saying you've never ran into this kind of woman.

That's interesting in itself....most women have had this experience once or twice in their life.

To answer your question, it all depends on how and where you say it to the girl.

As a writer... you're familiar with word choice, tone and look. It's all based on that. Her response
will tell you how she took your statement.

Good luck!
Hawk

Vicki said...

Hawk,

Now that I've read your post I've most definitely ran into Ms. Nasty's. I just never thought they meant it mean. Which made me totally naïve to what was being said. But not now. Now, I'll know to listen more carefully. :)

Okay, you know, maybe in the weight area. When I lost weight, there was a woman who’d say things like, “Wow, you’ve lost a lot weight. How much more are you going to lose?” She never said it in the you look great voice, and I always took it as she meant I needed to lose more. Hmmm…so yeah, I guess I have.

I try to stay away from those people.

Still, I really appreciate you telling me about it for the one character in the book because it's exactly how she'd act, only saying it innocent like. I may need to ask you questions when I get to that scene. :)

Hugs,
Vicki

Vicki said...

Hawk - Science Guy's brother has his motorcyle in a contest. I have the link to vote on my blog. He's asking for votes if possible.

Thanks and Hugs, can't wait to see you at Sept. meeting. :)

Rick and Monique Elgersma said...

Now you shouldn't always assume then men don't pick up on the subtleties. Sometimes it's part of the game to ignore them and do something else with them. I'm just sayin'.

Sometimes we're just too bloody uncomplicated. Sometimes are you just too bloody complicated. And always always always do I need, honor and depend upon and my wife!

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Rick & Monique,

It sounds as thought you and your wife have a wonderful relationship...surely, to stay that way you know there can not be any "GAMES" played.

IMHO - "Game" is another word for playing with someone's mind, emotions, and comfort...when you play with people like that...it never fairs well.

Game playing is hurtful to the one being played and in the end... the gamers always loses.

Good honest relationships never have room nor time for games.
They're too busy having fun and living happy lives.

Blessed be!
Hawk