Sunday, August 22, 2010

WHY?

Before I ask me question this week, I want to give a very special HAPPY BIRTHDAY wish to Leontine!



MAY ALL YOUR BIRTHDAY WISHES COME TRUE! Hugs Honey!
Hawk

Now for the question this week.



Why can't we be who we WANT to be... instead of who we THINK we should be?

Just wondering

41 comments:

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

Hi Hawk!

First, Happy B-Day Leontine, many more blessings to come!

And Hawk, as to why? I have to say why not?

I remember when I was little and the world seemed like a giant play, I could change my voice,bat my baby blues and play helpless femme fatale or I could put up my 'dukes' and take on my worst enemy (or one of siblings worst enemies which I did on and occasion or two). I could be just about anything damn thing I wanted to be, and know I was still loved, know that regardless of how life really was, everything would be alright.

Then, low and behold, one day I grew up, had my own kids who can be anything they damn well want to be. From a rock star (kiddle #3), to a cheerleader princess (kiddle #2) to super computer geek (kiddle #1), and they always know everything's going to be alright.

For me, it isn't about not being the person I wanted to be instead of the person I am, for me, it's about being the best me I can be: a lover, a mother, a dreamer, a teacher, a teller of tall tales, a philosopher.... all rolled up in one bright little unique package that's me, lol.

And here's the really important part... if I can impart to my children that they too can be all those things AND be happy, then the world truly is their stage, and one day if they're lucky, they'll get a chance to be the best me they can be, which is all I ever really wanted anyway. So, I ask again, why not?

((hugs))

Dottie :)

A man called Valance said...

From the day we’re born, and clothed in either pink or blue, we’re steered and shoehorned this way and that, and knocked into shape by life’s experiences. Who we are is the sum of those parts. But we’re adaptable, and we’re practical, and we bend with the breeze when we have to. And there’s an awful lot of ‘have to.’ The person that leaves the house in the morning is the person you are. The person that arrives at work is the person you have to be. It’s all about survival.

(Happy Birthday Leontine)

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Well Dottie,

I agree with you. To me life is for BECOMING who you want to be, not who your family or society say you have to be...

Not all of us are lucky enough to have friends and family that will back us in our efforts to better ourselves...to become who we want to be.

Believe it or not...there are people who try to impose their idea of what they think you "should be" on you. They try to make you feel bad about yourself and judge you for wanting to reach for the brass ring...even tho' they're reaching for that same brass ring!

I believe we all should become WHO we WANT TO BE not stagnating at being who others say we should be.

A person can't fulfill their own God given destiny when family or friends impose (for selfish reasons) their opinions on you to be what THEY WANT you to be.

So, for all of you out there that don't have Dottie as your mom...and you're family or friends are trying to make you feel bad about who you are and what you want out of your life...for those who are trying to push their beliefs on you...take Dotties advice!

BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE - LIFE IS SHORT - LIVE IT.

Hawk

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Valance,

You're so right. But some people don't "Get it" we all have many faces we wear to survive.

We all have our business face, our mommy face, our daughter face, our friend face...and ALL OF THESE FACES ARE US! ALL OF THEM.

And the way we act in business is not anywhere close to the person we are in the sister face or friend face...each face has it's own set of rules...

Life is a stage and we're all actors on that stage in our many parts within the play....but, some people just don't get that.

Hawk

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

Unfortunately, I do know what you mean, it is a cold hard fact in this world individuals, both men and women, are force to become people they don't want to be, we all are a little, either by circumstances or fate.

It can be because your family has too much money or not enough, expectations are laid down, lines are expected to be towed. And yes, my parents had expectations too, but, they also only ever wanted me to be happy.

Sadly, this is not the case for all. And maybe that's the trade off... Maybe it was easier for me to be whatever I wanted because we had so little growing up, imagination is free.

I don't know... I don't want to idolize my childhood, I'm the oldest of seven children. I had to responsibility of looking after all of us from a very early age.

But, do I regret it, even a little bit? Can I say I didn't have a good time? Can I say I regret holding my baby sisters in my arms for that first time, see their eyes look at me, knowing I'd never let anything happen to them? No, I don't think I can. Maybe when I was 10 and changing diapers, you would have gotten a different answer, lol.

Life isn't fair, this is true, it's a slippery slope at best, but one that's always changing like the landscape of the Earth. I wish there was some easy way just be yourself, but there isn't, it's one of life's hard lesson, you only go around once (unless you believe in reincarnation, but that opens up a whole can of worms about precognition, recognition, postcogition... way existential for this early in the morning, lol), so make the best of it while you can, and just live, enjoy your life as much as possible, because it can all be over in the blink of an eye.

nymfaux said...

Hi!!! Thanks for stopping by my blog!--I thought I'd come by and check yours out---and WOW--it's BEAUTIFUL!!! You have some absolutely amazing visuals!!! Looks like a lot of fun!!!!

And as to "Why?" I'm sure I don't have the answer...but I know I try to work on it a little everyday ;)

Amy C said...

Hi Hawk,

I can't formulate an answer to that question. Maybe it's because I am who I want to be. I don't change myself to better exist with my peers. Somedays I'm a quite listener and some days I'm an active participant. During my quiet listening days I used to feel as though I was being rude because others perceived me that way, or so I was told, and I would try to be different. It never worked. Now, I don't care. I know I'm not being prudish or anti-social, it is just who I am, and I can't change that. And over the years, the people closest to me have realized that that is simply my personality and have accepted it.

I think over the last couple of years I've gained a better understanding of myself, and I'm comfortable with me and who I am. I don't have to be or try to be someone I'm not.

Happy Birthday, Leontine!

Natascha said...

Another question that popped into my mind: Why can't we be who we are, instead of being someone we think we need to be?

I think in this day and age we are so consumed with creating a personality which is adaptable to everybody else that we forget in the core who we truly are and like ourselves nonetheless, inside as well as outside!

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Dottie,

I think some people find themselves caught in an image that childhood friends or siblings have of them...and as they grow their family and friends refuse to let go of that OLD IMAGE.

Like a mother who won't LET her child grow up.

Responsibilities are one thing...every child has to learn to do dishes, clean a house, do laundry and such...that's expected.

What isn't is...those that refuse to allow you to grow into who you want to be (who you are).

We all set goals for our lives (this is what I mean by who you want to be)

But, at times it would seem those you thought would stand behind you and say "go for it, I'll help you push to grab that brass ring"...instead condemn you for trying to become what you desire.

It's sad but true. I don't think I'll ever understand how those who "love" you try to make you feel guilty for wanting to fulfill your dreams of becoming who and what you have the ability to become.

Hawk

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Nymfaux!

Oh...how sweet of you to come by! And thank you for the comment about my blog...I'm glad you like it!

I've got some very interesting changes coming soon, so do come back...but don't worry I'll be back over to your FABULOUS place soon to remind you! LOL ;-)

Hugs darlin'
Hawk

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Hi Amy,

No, I didn't mean that...trying to be something we aren't...what I meant by - become who we want to be - is, we all set goal for what we want to accomplish in our lives. These goal changes as we grow...and sometimes it seems our family and old friends don't grow with us...and then resent us and blame us when we move on to greener pastures...do you know what I mean?

Hawk

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Natascha,

Hugs sweetie!

That's exactly what I was asking...in so many words.

Why do those who claim to love us refuse to actually see US for who we are?

And why do they keep trying to force us into an image THEY HAVE CREATED of us in their minds?

And then they expect us to become that image...even though the image they have of us isn't even close to who we are.

THEY REFUSE TO SEE OUR INNER PERSONA for what it is, and DENY WHO WE REALLY ARE.

How do you make someone see who you are, when they are blind to anything but the image they've created of you?

Hawk

Amy C said...

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, I do not understand because I only have my mom and my husband surrounding me and they both let me set my goals and accomplish them as I see fit. They are both supportive in my decisions in where I've gone and where I still would like to go...such as the decision to go to school. My husband is most supportive in that, and I love him for it.

I think I have better understood the question :).

I always try to encourage my son that he can be whatever he wants to be. There have been a few times that I've said absolutely not to...like being a WWE wrestler, or UFC champion...LOL...Not into the violence, and besides I could never watch my kid no matter how old being hit on and thrown around! He understands! But when he shows an interest in something I always (excluding the previously mentioned careers!) give him ideas as to how he could incorporate that into his life as either a career or a hobby...such as being a history buff! I never had that type of positive encouragement, but neither did I have negativity...I simply had neither. But that's okay, becasue my husband gives me what I need.

Hilda said...

Well hun, you CAN be who you want to be. You jut have to stop caring about what other people think and what people want you to be. It´s realy quite easy.

I know I´m not what my parents want me to be for example, and they complain about it and sometimes they make me feel bad... but do I care to change? Nope. I much like who I am.

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Amy,

I have to pat you on the back for what you're doing for your son...making a goal is hard enough, so when you've got someone behind you as you try to grab the ring, it makes life easier. ((HUGS))

Yes, you're lucky for what you've got...it's the negativity that contaminates the situation.

Thanks for sharing your insight!

Big hugs
Hawk

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Hilda!

True are you're words...we CAN CHOOSE...but that doesn't make the choice easy...specially if your heart is involved.

I discovered, you can beat yourself up and keep trying to please and all you do is spin your wheels.

Reality is, you can NEVER make them happy being who they think you should be or by being who you are...fact is...no one wins...no one is happy...so you have to walk away, find your happiness and hope they find theirs.

sad, but true.

Hawk

nymfaux said...

Changes...? ;) Oooooh!!!! I can't wait to see!!!!!! I'll definitely be back to check it out!!!!!

~Sia McKye~ said...

I had all kinds of funny thoughts hit my mind as I read this. :-)

Seriously, though, we first have to know who and what we are and then determine how we want to adapt that to who we want to be. Growth, I suppose you'd call it. Sometimes it takes courage to reach out to fulfill our dreams. Courage because there is always someone in our life that wants us to remain one way or be one way and use many *ploys* to accomplish that. I have a someone with plenty of ploys in my life, sigh, but I'm a pretty tough chick and know how to fight for what I want.

And sometimes that *someone* is our inner self afraid to take the chance or reach. For myself, it's partly fear, but not of failure, it's fear of the responsibilty that comes with success. When I fight through that fear I've always felt good about what I've accomplished.

I, too, tell my son he can be whatever he wants to be. I also tell him he'll have to figure that out as he grows because it will change as he does. He's gone through the boy dreams, rock star, mixed martial arts fighter, marine, and when he was 5 and 6 he wanted to be what he called *worker man* which I came to realize meant construction trades, working on cars. Funny thing is, he keeps coming back to his thoughts of when he was 5. I know whatever he chooses will involve working with his hands. He sees it as being creative.

I'm rather proud of him. He's almost 16 and I see the man he will become and know I'm doing my job correctly.

Interesting article, Hawk. Also interesting to pick up on the nuances of the content.

Happy Birthday, Leotine!!!

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Nymfaux,

It's going to be announced next Sunday.

See you then!

Hugs
Hawk

Blodeuedd said...

So many comments, today I am truly late.

But yes, why? But then again most of the time I am me, and I am learning to be more me every day. perhaps one day I can be truly what i want

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Sia,

Big Hugs Honey! I've missed you!

Oh, you know me...I'm full of many questions and very full of Irish opinions! LOL

Hawk

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Blodeuedd,

xoxo

We can all be what we want...but to get it will be a high price for the heart....and a war for the soul to win... if we wish to accomplish the goal of becoming who we truly are.

Good luck
Hawk

M.V.Freeman said...

Happy Birthday Leontine! May it be filled with many good things!

Hi Hawk,

Its been awhile...LOL.

Not sure how to answer this question.
For me its more of, who am I? What I want and who I think I should be--Means nothing if I don't know who I am now.

Who am I now? Nothing spectactular (and I prefer that), but a simple person. I live, love, laugh, cry, anger, have curiosity.

Each day is gift, that's all I have. I live it like its my last, not with fireworks and frenetic activity--but appreciating what I have now.

Who I want to be? Or Think I should be...nothing comes to mind.

I'm just happy being me.

I am hoping, Hawk, that you and everyone have moments where you smile.

Hugs to you Hawk!

M.V.

Cecile said...

Hey honey... it is late, I promise to be back later... Promise. I just finished reading everyone's post.. wow... very interesting to say the least!!!!

Happy Birthday Leontine!!!!!!

Hope your night was great honey!
Hugs to you!!!

Sha and Michelle said...

I know I'm probably interpreting this different than most...

In my case it reads: Why can't I be a Kennel Owner or Work with Animals...

the answer for me is AT THE MOMENT: Not enough money and time.

I have a lot of debt and bills to pay. Which means FOR NOW:

No extra money to put aside for financing a kennel.

No time left over in the week for volunteering with a Rescue organization or time to go to school to get a business certificate or a degree...(I work 70 -75 hours a week)

And because Dog Rescue Groups usually HIRE from their volunteers - that rules out working for them for a paycheck. Remember: No time to volunteer.

And Doggie Daycares are usually part-time/ minimum wage positions. I wouldn't make enough money to pay my current bills from that check.


*You can't always do what you want to do in life. Sometimes you just have to survive and pray that one day things will be different.

Leontine said...

Hi Hawk,
I'm celebrating my new age today YAY, thank you so much for the birthday wishes Hawk!! I'm getting so warm and tingly inside from it ;)

Sweet Vernal Zephyr said...

I love the illustrations you find to include in your posts!

Happy Birthday Leontine!!!

Oh, and I have no idea what to make of my veri word "pockfaki"

*raised eyebrow*

Houston A.W. Knight said...

M.V.!

Dang girl...I thought you'd fallen off the face of the earth! Where have you been! ((((HUGS))))

OH, I hope I haven't given the wrong impression...I wake up happy everyday...I like who I am...and I know who I am as a person.... even if other don't!

I "BELIEVE" ;-) IN MESELF even if those I thought would believe in me... don't.

But life for me...is GOOD.

Hugs
Hawk

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Cecile,

Hugs...

Hawk

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Sha,

I know you...you're a hard worker and if you set those goals...you can make them happen. I know you well enough to know...you will WORK and work HARD to fulfill any goal you set.

So, here's to working with animals....very soon!

Hugs Darlin'!
Hawk

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Leontine,

You've been missed over here...but not forgotten!

Here's to a wonderful B-day! Big hugs from me!

Hawk

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Sweet Zephyr,

{{8-O "pockfaki" ????

ROTFLOL! Ah, I love it!

I'm so happy you like the photos! I search high and low for them...but well worth the time! ;-)

Like a Zephyr, a change is in the air and coming soon here so don't forget to come back!

Hugs
Hawk

M.V.Freeman said...

LOL Hawk,
I was waxing poetic, somewhat melancholy today (I think it has something to do with working on my pitch--its a dastardly business for me)
I'll probably be down for a count for while, I have a lot going on.

Hugs to you!
M.V.

Houston A.W. Knight said...

M.V., well do what you've got to do but don't stay away too long...we all miss you...even Mr. V was wondering where you were.

Hugs...if you need me...you know where to find me!

Hugs
Hawk

JJ Cocker said...

I been working on exactly that for a while, now, Miss Hawk. Spent most of my life trying to live up to other's expectations and now I'm gonna be me, cos I like me a whole lot more than the me that everyone takes for granted.

Houston A.W. Knight said...

J.J.,

Smart girl...you have to live for yourself because those who would push you into acting the way they want you to act... don't really care or love you...

If they can't accepted you for who you are, as you do for them, without judgement, then they don't really love you.

LOVE...true LOVE means loving the person for who they are...with all their faults and all their blessings.

We all make mistakes and have flaws...if those we love can't love us beyond that and move forward with us as we grow...but instead try to hold us to the old image or to a false image they created of us, then they don't really love us as we do them.

Run as fast as you can from that...nothing good will ever come of it.

I'm proud of you J.J. I like who you are too...

I'll bet you're like me and sometimes...we're too nice, too giving, too willing to turn the other cheek when wronged by those we love...until one day...it's enough, and you have no choice...but to walk away.

Stay true to who you are J.J., stand strong and never look back....because in this world "Only The Strong Survive"

Hugs
Hawk

JJ Cocker said...

I am, I am, I am...

Running, but not too fast, to where I wanna go, and happy being me.

Thanks for your kind words. x

Houston A.W. Knight said...

J.J.!

Hugs honey...sorry it took me so long to get back to you...been busy working on a book...for some reason I think I can write one. LOL

;-) Good I'm glad to hear you're happy with who you are...don't ever let anyone tell you differently....those who try to change you...are those who judge rather than love.

You keep that chin held high and you move forward at your own pace...knowing your true friends are there with you!

hugs
Hawk

Redd said...

Hey Hawk!

As to your question, I wish I knew. But considering that there are alot of strange and wacky people out there along with the sane normal people. There's no telling what the not so sane people would want to be, then there would be chaos.

*chuckles* I think I view these questions slightly off and different than others here so what would that say about me. lol!

Personally, I think if in a perfect world we could be that what we wish most to be. But unfortunately we're not there, yet? =)

PS. *whispers* Try my blog again. I've been working on it. Then holla at me. =)

*smoosh hugs* TC!
Redd

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Redd,

I never thought of it that way...LOL

O.K., I'll go over to your place now and see if I can get in! I've been trying so hard and for so long! I hope I get in this time!

Big hugs honey!
Hawk

JJ Cocker said...

Absolutely, Miss Hawk, and that's coming from someone who is doing what they wanna do, now. Doesn't mean I don't still help out, where needed, but gone are the days where I went along with the flow just to please others.