Wednesday, November 17, 2010


Oh Valance...Thank you for coming... the show last week.

It was my pleasure Miss Hawk.

Last week you said on the show you thought I had sexy you really think that?

Have I ever lied to you?

*Hawk nodded,* Lot's of times.

Humm, maybe I have.But I ain't lying about your soft sexy lips. I like the ruby red you've painted them too! Sexy as hell. Now come here....

Just want to give you a proper greeting.
Oh, I like know that. *A stage hand calls out 5 mins to air! Hawk pulls away from Valance*
OMG, *Clear throat and straightens clothes.*
I didn't realize it was that time already!
*Hawk walks out on the make-shift stage*

OH...Yah...Hi Everyone!

Last week I introduced you to Levitt E. Valance and we're going to lay this man bare this week.

Seems you already did that backstage, Miss Hawk.

*Hawk frowns* Valance! Have a seat and let's get this interview going shall we?

Valance sits down and give Miss Hawk a look that says he'll finish what he started later.
So Valance you were saying you picked a new name for a new start – Liberty Valance. The movie, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, had been on TV that week so…

Yeah, so it was fresh in my mind. Had a lot of fun with it too, though it probably wasn’t the best choice I could have made.

Why not?

I think it worked against me sometimes. I gave my best, but in the company of Emily Constance Masterson and J.C. Gumboil III, and their writery avatars, I don’t think I was ever seen as a serious player.

OMG, you're kidding me. They couldn't see the creativity behind the name, and how you made the author's image as important as his sotries? Writery avatars? What do you mean?

You know, like this… *clasps hands under chin, and adopts a contemplative expression*

Are you saying there was an element of snobbery?

I’d have said an element of bullshit. I guess it amounts to the same thing.

Boy, aren’t you the tactful one? You really know how to court popularity, don’t you?

*laughs* I guess not, but I've got no time for politics and I ain’t running for sainthood. Image counts for a lot. I’ve seen the same thing in Blogsville, too.

Yes, it does. Any public personality be it an author, movie star, model or politician has the secondary burden of "Public Image" to think about. So, you dropped ‘Liberty’ sometime later…

Yup. Besides being someone else’s creation, the snarling Lee Marvin character bore little resemblance to the character I’d become. I kept the surname – for the sake of continuity – and became a man called Valance.

Why didn’t you just write under your real name?

Writing is my guilty secret. Anonymity is comfortable. And I like being a man called Valance.

You enjoyed your time in the writing communities?

Most of the time, yeah. In four years my writing improved a lot. I learned something about people, too. They’re the same wherever you go.

Why did you leave?

Amongst other reasons, I’d gone as far as I could.

Do you miss it?

A few people, maybe, but writing sites no, not anymore. And I sure don’t miss having to read poems. I like to pay my dues and return comments whenever I can, but I hated having to comment on poems, and believe me those places are swamped with the damn things.

I guess you don’t like poetry?

Well, I don’t dislike it. I just don’t get it, that’s all. My understanding of poetry peaked when Jack and Jill went up a hill.

*Hawk leans into Valance; whispering, 'Jack and Jill is a short story not a poem.' Valance whispers back "I know...but that's all I could come up with off the cuff." Hawk pats his hand, 'o.k., maybe no one will notice. Let's move on.' Hawk addresses the crowd -

After that it was downhill all the way?

You got it. That ain’t to say I don’t recognize crap when I see it. I swear some of those poems were conceived and created quicker than I can piss.

Hawk jumps up and spins around this distract the crowd from Valance's naughty word.

Ah, how do you like my new outfit? *Then smiles at Valance and says in a tone only he can hear...I bought it just for you!

Hell, I need a drink…

*Hawk laughs and shoves a shot of Irish whiskey at him*

That’ll do fine. Just leave the bottle right there. Thank you.

Catch your breath Pard...we've still got an interview to finish!
Don't mind if I take my shirt off do's getting a little hot in here.

Hawk gives a wicked smile...and says; Not at all...I'm sure the girls won't mind.
So, why do you write, Valance?

Because that little flame of creativity won’t go away. Writing gives me a lot of pleasure. That pleasure is a gift. My grandfather was denied that gift. I owe it to him not to waste it. So I write, with a smile and touch of mischief, and savor the good feeling it brings.

Well I can honestly say I have enjoyed your *Couch* gift and its brought me some very wonderful feelings...your gift that is! So, What brought you to Blogsville?

I had nowhere else to go.

And you became Levitt E. Valance?

Yup. I was just reading an article one day when the word ‘levity’ leapt up off the page at me. It was perfect. Excuse me while I light another cigarette.

They’ll kill you one day.

Yup, so I’m told. Got anymore whiskey?


Betcha you can’t pull the cork with your teeth.

Betcha I can. *Pop!* There! *Hawk winks at him* you should know better than to dare an Irish girl!

Hell, what a woman. *smiles* Just like my mother.

Sweetie...I sure hope I didn't hear you compare a woman to your mother is an insult!

S'ok, she ain't the kind to feel offended. Why I even bought a new cowboy hat to impress you with. See. *Valance stands up for all to see*

Do you like it?

Oh about you girls? * after the crowd settles down Hawk says*

You’ve been quoted as saying ‘For the next four years I mixed with the talented faces in some wonderful places, and met plenty of good folk along the way. I gave everything I had, but my readership never expanded to a level that might have encouraged any fancy ideas, and early in 2009, I stopped trying. It seemed I’d reached the end of the line, and quiet acceptance of the fact was preferable to beating my head against a rock trying to prove otherwise. With nowhere else to go, I staked a claim in this blogging wilderness. Valance
And although this blog rides a cowboy ticket on the 3:10 to humor, I’m no more a cowboy than I am a writer.’

This is sad, because when I go to your blog called “the Porch” I fall into a wonderfully creative world of the Wild West. I chat and play with wonderful and creative people, writers who are doing what comes natural…entertaining each other with their words and exciting worlds.

Your blog is set up in such a unique way compared to other blogs. Its set up for creative chatting…anyone who wants to add to the story or chit chat is welcome. Your blog doesn’t bore or preach…it’s a porch with chairs for weary writers to sit and think, to watch and find silence. It’s a place of constant activity that one can play or not play…it’s all in what you feel. How did you come up with such a concept?

On a writing website. When I got tired of signing in and seeing my participation ignored, I figured I might as well sit and talk to myself. So I did, on my home page. I imagined myself sitting in rocking chair on a porch, and just rambled away. When it occurred to me that I might be taken for a nut, I introduced an imaginary dog, as a stooge, so I’d have someone to talk to.

And be taken for a nut who talks to an imaginary dog?

Hmm, I never thought of that.

Did you get any visitors?

A few. Miss JJ mostly. Miss Patsy too. Others sometimes. That was how The Porch began – just one man and his dog, and folk stopping by to comment. It’s the same format I brought to Blogsville.

Did you consider blogging about anything else?

Nope. At a time when I was disillusioned with the whole writing scene, The Porch was my escape. The Porch was always about having fun. I retain an interest in the craft of writing, but that interest is purely peripheral these days. Anything too deep gets me nauseous.

Oh? I like it deep

Yeah, so I've heard.

*Hawk blushes* That's naughty Valance! *Hawk giggles*  ...So, I guess I'll have to get you some pepto for our final session next week. *Wink*

As for today that's it for now Girls ... go check out The Porch and see what troubles Miss Houston and Mister Valance are getting into. It's sexy, spicy and feisty!


Blodeuedd said...

Wow...that is a lot of hunky cowboys!

~Sia McKye~ said...

Wait a second...I distinctly recall you saying that Elaine and the Hussy were the ones who ran hot? hmmm, seems to me you keep right up with them, lolol!

So. I take it you like cowboys? I'm not sure how drew that conclusion...

*snork. Ahem. LMAO...

Sweet Vernal Zephyr said...

Next week we get to see the meat of the man? Get a good look at his insides? Go deep?


Great interview! See you at the porch.

Houston A.W. Knight said...


Teheheee, sure enough like?

You've got to walk on the wild west side of things once in a while...Cowboys are what America offers!

Thanks for coming by sweetie and leaving a comment! Big Hugs.


Houston A.W. Knight said...



teheheheheheeee...Why I have to do whatever I have to do to please you lusty minded girls...and it isn't easy....I see the reviews on the books you're all reading! HOT STUFF there.

Goodness, sometime I have to wonder at the sacrifices I make for you girls! It's a hard job but someone has to do it.

*evil grin*

Big hugs
Thanks for coming by honey!

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Sweets! ((HUGS))


Valance is pretty shy when it comes to that over here...don't know why 'cuz on the porch he's pretty fast to show things off...if you know what I

Glad you enjoyed the interview! Next weeks will be short but sweet...I think you'll like it.

Hugs and I'm still picking wild flowers...
Big hugs

Oscar said...

Enjoyed that interview, Hawk. Different and amusing, and Valance is funny and direct. I would've assumed he as a full-time writer.

Oscar said...

Damn! Did it again, left the "w" off of "as" in the last sentence. Or maybe it should be "is."

JJ Cocker said...

Well, I never. One hot and steamy interview with that cowboy, Hawk. Let's hope the leather headed, stubborn mule is mellowing!

With kisses, hugs and smoochies from a "Valance on The Porch" fan.

elaing8 said...

Loved the pause after coming...WHAT???

HAWK how come you never let me use that pic of you for my

No shirt..nice hat..loose the pants :D
hey HAWK showed off her assets.

"Oh? I like it deep" **spews drink on screen**

LMAO.. Great interview HAwk and Valance.

Cecile Smutty Hussy said...

This is awesome! You two are awesome!!! I am loving this up!!!

And Sia... Hehehehe... Hawk has her own heat under that corset of her, heheh! Remember she is Irish... Damn woman is hotter than a two dollar pistol!!! LOL!

Hugs and Kisses to both of you!!!
And Elaine, you are too funny honey!

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Oscar! (((HUGS)))

Valance is a "reluctant" author, but none the less an author...he'll say he isn't one, BUT he is.

He might not be willing to play the games those unpub's and published author's have to play to get a book published, but he's still an author.

Sadly it is the reading public who will miss out (by publishers not putting him into print) on the wonderful talents he has to offer through his story telling....

There are a few of us lucky ones, who have by luck or chance, found him in blogsville...and enjoy every word he writes like chocholate.

We are the lucky few who will leave this world having been touched by his words, images, and awesome talent as a man and a writer....

Valance is a GREAT AUTHOR.

Many hugs

Houston A.W. Knight said...

J.J.!!! Big hugs Sweetie!

Well I'm "working" on

All kidding aside...I'm glad you liked the interview. We wanted to make it different and enjoyable for all!

kisses and hugs back

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Elaing! xoxoxox noticed hummmm...well, I learned "the pause" from Cecile! LOL

As far as the moony pic...well I just got the outfit! Pretty sharp hum...guess Moony Mondays is wearing off on me! LOL -"wearing off" Get it? ROTFLOL
Yeah, well it's 3 in the morning...I'm doing me best.

(((("Oh? I like it deep" **spews drink on screen**))))

LOL...I knew that one would get YOUR attention!
;-D ROTFLOL...see what I learned from YOU!

Glad you enjoyed all the fruits of what you and Cecile taught me!


Houston A.W. Knight said...

Miss Cecile!

The Queen of Hussy!

Thank you ma'am for the sweet words on the interview. I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

Ssssshhhh, Miss Hussy don't be telling Sia that...why she thinks I'm just a sweet little Irish girl...I haven't told her how you and Elaine have corrupted me!

But I'll tell you something...I'm thinking there's a hussy side to the McKey clan she's not telling us about! *wink wink*

Big Hugs and kisses back!

A man called Valance said...

Thanks everyone.

Hawk, I want a word with you...

(What's all this about the meat of the man? I thought we agreed to keep that a secret? And suppose I tell them how my back got scratched?)

Sweet Vernal Zephyr said...

*snicker snicker*

Houston A.W. Knight said...

Valance Sweetie,

Now don't go getting fussied up...I didn't mean it the way it came out...

*Big smile*

You know the girls they'll turn anything into a sensuous remark...I did say "meat" but I wasn't meaning the size of YOUR gigantic lance!

Oh no, no no, I'd never never tell the girls about that HUGE gun you carry around!

*Bigger smile*

Why if I told the girls about that monolith of a staff you have...why they'd want to hold it and ....well, you know... test it out.


Oh no no no...I'd never tell anyone about that wonder maker!

Glad to be back! And glad to have you.... back... Valance!


Houston A.W. Knight said...


Did you tell Valance I was talking about his *cough* well you know!

Hugs big time

A man called Valance said...

'the way it came out... gigantic lance... HUGE gun... monolith of a staff... wonder maker'

Just as I suspected. When it comes to beating about the bush, you can't get enough. If you mean the famous Valance Impaler, go ahead and say so.

Houston A.W. Knight said...




O.K., I said it.


JJ Cocker said...

Famous Valance, impaler? Ha! Me finks that Cowboy's been spinning a few tall tales!

As for him not being a writer, well he's one of the best in ma book and seeing as I put me honour at risk defending his number one poem, he can be very poetic, too, Miss Houston!

JJ Cocker said...

Famous Valance, impaler? Ha! Me finks that Cowboy's been spinning a few tall tales!

As for him not being a writer, well he's one of the best in ma book and seeing as I put me honour at risk defending his number one poem, he can be very poetic, too, Miss Houston!

Houston A.W. Knight said...


I agree with you...he's the best author I know!

As far as the impaler...I personally know...he carry's a big staff...why, it's what he used to beat that garden snake off, it is! He just didn't want anyone to know!