Walk right through these doors ladies and gentlemen the Cowboy you all want to meet sit right inside.
Tucked into a dark corner at the back of the saloon sits Mister Valance; back to the wall. His lanky lean frame stretches to a stand as Hawk approaches.
*Hawk offers her hand* Hello Mister Valance. Thanks for agreeing to this interview.
It’s a pleasure, Hawk. * Mister Valance tilts his cowboy hat's rim, giving a devilish smile.* Can we pretend this is a talk show?
A talk show?
Sure, why not? Let’s do it in style. In my mind I’m sitting next to Hawk, the glamorous talk show host. Let’s pretend I just made a big entrance, you greeted me with a showbiz smile and a kiss, and now we’re getting comfy on a fancy sofa.
Sounds fun. *Hawk gets up and pulls her bar chair next to the rugged but sexy Cowboy* OK, we’re sitting on a comfy sofa, in a TV studio. Now what do we do?
I’ll sit here smiling like a big shot. You get ready to talk when the audience quits clapping and cheering.
They’re clapping and cheering?
We’re pretending, remember?
OK, now that they’ve settled down…*Hawk turns and speaks to the saloon guests as an audience* Levitt E. Valance is his name. A cowboy, and other things some would say. But I pulled this handsomely rugged Cowboy out from his hole in the wall known as cow town Blogsville and dragged him to the romantic city's Blogsville... Welcome Mister Valance.
Good to be here, Hawk. Mind if I smoke?
You’re not supposed to, it's bad for you.
*Valance gives a defiant shrug* I’m gonna smoke anyway.
*Hawk giggles* You’re quite a rebel, Mister Valance. Do you smoke a lot?
About thirty a day…
*coughs* Really? Only a pack and a half a day, hum?
…and about twenty at night
LOL, that’s more like it. It’s bad for your health you know.
Bad health is temporary, just like good health and life itself
That sounds like the attitude of an outlaw. Live hard, live fast and die young. Don't you consider that way of thinking a wee bit pessimistic?
Yeah, sometimes. *starts rolling a cigarette*
*Hawk eyes his talent in rolling his tobacco * Oh…you make your own? Hmm, you have very dexterous fingers.
I never had any complaints.
No, I’m sure you haven’t, Mister Valance. *Hawk's eye twinkle with the devil's light as she gives a big grin to her blogger girls*
You find that funny?
*Hawk hides her suggestive smile. Clears throat* Never mind, cowboy. It’s a city girl’s state of mind, is all. As I was saying girls…Valance is a wanted man…no girls, not that kind of wanted…although I can understand why you’re thinking the way you are, especially after what he just said. And knowing how you women act around real cowboys…I’m sure he’s wanted that way too. Such dirty minds you girls have…spending way too much time over at Cecile's Hussy Palace for sure!
Valance was a wanted man for --
Are we flirting?
Well, I'd be disappointed if we weren't and the girls might expect a little flirting, so maybe we are.
OK, you’ve got beautiful legs.
Why, thank you, Mister Valance. I wrote them myself. I mean if we're in a fantasy world then I can have perfect legs, right? BTW, I'm glad you noticed. *Hawk flashes a seductive smile and flutters her lashes*
And a sensuous smile...
Thank you again.
…and beautiful come-to-bed eyes.
*Hawk give Valance a wink.* Why thanks Valance and you're not so bad yourself...mind if I take that shirt off you... so my girls can see the eye candy...
*Valance stands and Hawk slowly removes his shirt...gliding her hands down his shoulders as the material falls from his body.*
*Breathless; Hawk sits down.* Oh my… things are getting steamy here...let’s move on before we both need a shower. Let’s talk about writing. How long have you been a writer?
I ain’t a writer.
But you write!
Sure, and sometimes I paddle my feet in the river, but that don’t make me a duck.
Well, I happen to disagree with you Mr. Valance. I find if you walk like a duck, quack like a duck, then you're a duck! And you're a writer! A reluctant one but a writer none the less. I find your work to be a prolific and very creative. You’ve a wonderful voice, great style and your natural humor seeps into your work, splashing it with a colorful delight of western flair.
The Porch Here's the place to see Valance's wonderful writing abilities if you girls are curious to see what I'm talking about.
How long have you been writing?
About eight years. *lights his cigarette* I never had much interest in computers, but a mixture of curiosity and sentiment got the better of me when I heard about a website that reunited old school friends. Well, that little flame of creativity flickered into life again. Writing was a new found joy. I loved breathing new life into old school yarns.
*Hawk's thinking that sounds like a writer talking. But says instead,* You were good at it, huh?
Ain’t for me to say. Friends were complimentary. Said the usual thing about writing a book, but plenty of people could tell you the same story. I took their comments with a pinch of salt. Course I had my sneaky little dreams, but I kept a lid on those.
Folks like me ain’t supposed to write. We’re supposed to live and die and pass on by, and leave writing to our betters. Ain’t logical, I know, but the feeling is deep rooted.
When you say people like you…do you mean the rough and tough outlaw or the lovable intellect? *pours Valance a whiskey, knowing he’s not too happy I’m blowing his roguish cowboy image*
*Gives Houston a long hard stare, before turning his attention to the whiskey* I figured I’d be getting above myself. I guess it comes from knowing your place. I’m the grandson of an Illiterate Irishman. Fancy notions about writing don’t sit comfortably.
*Hawk frowns...thinking Valance must have been raised by an English woman...had to be for him to believe his Irish grandfather was "illiterate"...why every true Irishman knows, no Irishman is "Illiterate" ... some are just more educated soul wise rather than book wise!*
So what did you do next?
Nothing. Not for a couple of years, anyway. Then at the back end of 2004 I typed ‘writing’ into a search engine and found something called an online writing community. Well, seeing this particular site pitched at novices got me over the psychological stuff, so I joined, as Talentlessbum.
Yup, felt like one too. The whole thing left me wide-eyed. I felt like a gatecrasher. I was in awe of everybody, but the more I poked around the more I liked it.
I can’t believe you picked a name like that!
I didn’t have it long.
I would hope not! It isn't you.
Seemed like I’d found a dime and lost a dollar when I learned the site was on death row and due for closure. Well, the curtain came down and I moved on. I found another writing site. I figured a bum without talent didn’t need to advertise the fact, so I picked a new name for a new start – Liberty Valance. The movie had been on TV that week so…
The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance Became Levitt E Valance...and there you have it for this week. Next week my interview with Valance gets funnier, sexier, and deeper into the man! Oooooppppsss, did I say that out loud? ;-)